Conquering the Controllable: mindset transformation to achieve true success.

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BACKGROUND

I am living, breathing proof that people can change (and change for the better). These changes were sometimes easy, like flipping a well-oiled switch, while others took a force of nature that would rival mid-western tornado. A small amount of change came from within, but most were identified, driven, and supported by the help of friends, family, and God.

First nugget: have a foundation of faith and surround yourself with good people. The change in my life began with a transformed mindset (we will get to that after a short rambling), but lasting change wouldn’t have occurred without my faith and subbing out a few negative influences for more life-giving relationships.

I was arguably – admittedly most likely true – in a state of distress in my earlier years – as most kids are. I had no idea what I wanted out of life (other than sports), was so defensive that looking at me sideways would trigger a nuclear reaction, swore like an angry sailor when my parents weren’t around, and on and on and on. Perhaps most impactful was my view of life itself: that life would happen to me. Heard of this mindset before? I hadn’t. I thought I was the center of the universe, but for some reason the universe would periodically wake up feeling sassy and decide to slap me with a nasty right hook. Events would occur and I would throw my hands up in the air, cry, pout, bury myself in self-pity, and practically give up on life for a couple of days.

Then life really began to happen to me. Within a three year span I broke my nose, collar bone, femur, and had my gall bladder removed. Now, most of these were sports related injuries (except the gall bladder removal – not fun by the way), and one could argue that I brought it upon myself by playing sports, but I refuse to recognize that argument and hold that it was the universe’s sassiness those days that resulted in such a “breakable” period of my life.

Second nugget: I failed to take before and after pictures of my very crooked nose (still a little crooked to this day but not near as bad as the initial break). I learned my lesson, wanting to proudly show the degree upon which an 80mph fastball had shattered my nose but having no proof. Thankfully, I was blessed with another opportunity when I broke my femur. I was laying upon the ever-so-comfortable hospital bed, my leg going a direction it shouldn’t, yelling at the doctor and nurse not to align the bone (also not fun) until they took pictures. They were a little surprised by the request, but they eventually caved to my persistent and delirious demand after what I believe was a full-court effort by the entire hospital staff to locate a polaroid camera (thankfully that type of camera is now vintage and therefore cool again – otherwise younger readers would have no clue what the heck I was talking about). Summary – take before and after pictures of everything.

There are obviously individuals who have gone through more horrific events than these. Millions of people have overcome ten times what I’ve experienced, but these are my experiences, and a shift in mindset allowed those experiences to positively shape who I’ve become today - with a focus on conquering the controllable: mindset transformation to achieve true success.

TRANSFORMING YOUR MIND

I recall sitting at home one day, in disarray over several things that plague high school students (nothing important), when my father looked at me and said, “son, life is what you make it.” Now, as my teenage self, I wanted to throw that comment, and my father, out a window. But WOAH! Point dad on casually throwing out a comment that would forever rock my world. It took some time, but that comment was annoyingly stuck in my brain like gum upon shoe and began to shape how I viewed and responded to the world around me.

Femur break example:

·        Past self, “What is your problem, Universe? Now I’ll never play sports again. I’m forever doomed to have a limp, set metal detectors off at every airport and government building (resulting in endless, uncomfortable strip searches), and might as well spend the rest of my life glued to a couch watching things that will rot my brain.”

·        After Dad’s comment, “This still sucks. Doctors told me I might never play baseball again. I want to play baseball again. Let’s get to work.”

My past self would have focused on the event instead of what I wanted to achieve. My father’s annoying comment began a transformation of my mind. I couldn’t control what had already happened to me (a lineman deciding to lead with the crown of his oversized helmet right into the side of my thigh. I still remember that lineman bumping knuckles with his teammates. Still not cool, man). I could control establishing a goal and taking action to achieve that goal. The mindset change couldn’t have come at a better time because I was lucky enough to have two additional surgeries on my leg (another story for another time), each would have sent my past self into a downward spiral more chaotic than anything Alice would have experienced. However, I picked myself up after each surgery – with one good leg for a short period – and plunged forward with crutches and the coolest looking cane you’ve ever seen. After countless tears, screams, and aching nights, I started the first baseball game of the year. The cherry on top was hitting a home run in my first at bat.

Breaking my femur, my father’s comment, and what followed was when I learned people can change. So, I decided to change other things in my life. With God’s help, I stopped using His name inappropriately, I became less defensive, my anger all but disappeared, and I developed a type of bravery to go after what I wanted with the resiliency to achieve it. I learned the power of identifying and focusing on what I wanted to achieve, to focus on what I could control, how to stir up a determination to achieve my goals, and the resiliency to overcome challenges in pursuit of those goals.

MY LIFE'S MANTRA

My mindset, developed through the broken femur and other experiences, is best described as: Conquer the Controllable with Savviness, Moxie, and Mettle.

This mindset would evolve and mature over time, against a backdrop of so many more experiences. Foundationally, it helped me grow in my faith, become a good family man, a successful business professional, a founder, an author, and so much more. So many of the things that bring me joy in life would not have happened without the change that began so long ago. I would have ran from what I wanted at the first sign of trouble. I would not have had the courage to dive into things I wanted but had no experience with (check out Brene Brown’s bit on FFTs). I have grown and accomplished so much as a result. I’m talking true accomplishment, which is inner accomplishment. True accomplishment is a mindset. It’s the inner satisfaction of one’s journey through thought and action. No finite completion of a single task will bring you a sense of accomplishment for the remainder of your life. You will always want more. Something different. Instead, true accomplishment is a mindset of continuous growth toward your probably ever-changing priorities.

CHALLENGE

I plan to break down and explore the different aspects of “Conquer the Controllable with Savviness, Moxie, and Mettle” in future blogs with examples from my own life (post teenage years). Until then, a challenge: where in your life do you have a “victim/life happens to me mindset”? Regain control of that part of your life by recognizing you have no control of what happened in the past, identify how you want to feel/what you want to achieve, then write down one or two actions you can take toward that goal. Lastly, that action(s) will likely encounter resistance. I recommend finding someone to act in support and encouragement of your actions (friend, spouse, pet, Wilson from Cast Away) who can provide accountability in your journey of growth and accomplishment.